He asked me if I "almost moaned"
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
