I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
