i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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