he wants to bone in the snuggie
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
