the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
