He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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