Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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