Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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