do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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