I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
