I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
