went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
