We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
