so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
