So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
