11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
