I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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