I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
MIDGETS
????
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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