Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
