Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm sobbing to NWA
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
