Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
