After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize