We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
