just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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