He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My ass is underappreciated
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
