I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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