Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
