he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
