My nipple is on Facebook.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
