So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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