My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
