my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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