3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
