I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
