I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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