it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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