Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
