At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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