I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
