I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
