I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Damn victory sex feels great
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
