my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
