my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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