why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
