He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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