I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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