theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
