you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
