apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
two words...techno handjob
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
