I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
