Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i out mim tonsoeep
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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