I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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