all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
