So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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