I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
