His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
