I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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