My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
