she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
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