Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
