He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
