I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
