He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
