he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
