Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
