I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize