this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
